Saturday, March 14, 2009

Independent Film Channel

I'm a girl who hates commercials and feels cheated by TV-edited movies. Unfortunately I'm also a girl who doesn't think HBO is worth the expense, so that leaves me with limited movie options on TV. For the last 8 months I have been recording movies from the Sundance Channel and the Independent Film Channel, with the occasional HBO/Showtime movie thrown in when I had a free trial. I think 90% of those movies are not worth the hours I spent watching them, but at least they were shown uninterrupted and unedited.

However, I think in some cases a little editing would be nice. I have seen more actors full frontal in the last 8 months than I had previously seen in all my 31 years. I'm starting to think total nudity is a rite of passage for actors. I'm sure if you look back far enough, every male actor has got his fruit and nuts out at least once; if not on camera then at least on stage. So here's a list of all the men who have flashed me lately:

American Gigolo - I saw Richard's "Gere"
Close My Eyes - I saw Clive's "Owen"
Color of Night - I saw Bruce's "Willis" (well, I think it was a stunt Willis so maybe I shouldn't count it)
Kinsey - I saw Peter's "Sarsgaard"
Quills - I saw Geoffrey's "Rush"
- I saw James's "Purefoy" and Tobias's "Menzies"
The Dreamers - I saw Michael's "Pitt" (hmm, that one doesn't work so well). I also saw Louis's "Garrel". Ick.
Trainspotting - I saw Ewan's "McGregor"
What the Butler Saw - both of us saw David's "Tennant" (okay, I'll admit I went looking for this one. It's a stage play from 15 years ago and I read on the IMDb boards that there were pictures. Turns out there are!)

Even when I'm not being visually assaulted, most of these movies are dull dull dull. Sometimes I turn them off 20-30 minutes in, only to read on the IMDb that this movie is "beautiful" and "so moving" and "amazingly true to the book" and "my favorite movie of all time". So I think maybe I need to give it another chance and I do. And then I regret it.

Case in point, Love in the Time of Cholera. I was only interested in this movie because the book was so important to Serendipity. I should have known better. I never really liked Serendipity. I suffered through more than two hours of tedium and kept waiting for the beauty and amazement I had been promised. It never came. Instead I saw a Latin American version of Casanova, with prematurely aged actors and a really disgusting and unnecessary scene with prosthetic old lady boobs. It still makes me gag.

My brothers probably just roll their eyes now when they hear I'm watching another IFC movie. I must be a glutton for punishment. Maybe now that spring is here I'll stop recording these duds and do something productive with my time - like exercise. Yeah right.

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