Among other reasons, I believe I'm still single because I'm intolerant. I'm fairly intelligent and I want to date a man who shares my intellect. Unfortunately, at my age and shape, almost all of the guys I attract are idiots. This is compounded by my own insecurities. I don't think I'm very attractive, ergo anyone who is attracted to me must be 1) stupid or 2) out of his mind and is thereby disqualified as a potential mate. I'm probably also a bit overly analytical, as illustrated by the scenario below:
This week I had several IM conversations with a man that I work with but have never met. He had the audacity to look me up on Facebook after a work-related email exchange, then sent an instant message asking if I'd gone to "Religious University". As it turns out, he was raised in the same church that I was. I told him I haven't been affiliated with that church since college but I think he glossed over that part and dived straight into mission memories. Whatever, I don't agree with sending naive young men out to sell their parents' religion to the masses, but in my family I do think some good came of it because my brothers learned to live on their own rather than staying at home for the rest of their lives. So, share your lovely mission memories if you want to, just don't be surprised if I tune out when you talk about faith & miracles. I digress.
Said man is a married father of 2. That fact coupled with the tenuous religious connection (not to mention the fact that we're chatting at WORK) led me to believe the conversation would be clean. I told him a little about the northwest Missouri church branch my parents attend. He looked up some members in the area and commented about a few excommunicated people he found. Harmless, I suppose. Then he found my mother's website advertising hormone therapies and asked if she could get him "horned up". Excuse me?! I told him that topic was not appropriate for work and ended the conversation.
Yesterday he was chatting with me again. I tuned him out for most of the day but he did say something else that annoyed me. This time he asked what I did in the time that I was laid off. I said I watched a lot of sci fi. He said, "Wow, I'm not that geeky!" to which I replied, "No one's perfect." He responded, "You're probably the first woman to ever admit that." End conversation.
After these two comments, I'm left with the sense that my coworker is a chauvinist and a pig. He made a generalized statement that women consider themselves perfect but aren't. Is that really how he feels about women? How disgusting. And why would he ask if my MOTHER could get him horned up? You just don't say that about people's mothers! Especially not when you're married and especially not at work.
If he knew I thought this about him he would probably call me "stuck up" or "overly sensitive". I don't really care. But even though I wasn't flirting with him or entertaining the idea of dating him (married pig), I can see parallels between this interaction and the ones I've had with single guys. Why do some guys think insulting a woman will make her like him? Is it a manipulative tactic? Are they trying to put her on the defensive, make her feel like she has to change their minds and, in so doing, give them lots of attention? That seems pretty childish to me. And why does nearly every IM or email conversation I have with a man always turn into sex talk? Don't tell me it's because men think about sex a lot. I know it's not the only thing on their minds. I find it tacky & disrespectful to talk about sex with someone I've never met. If you want to engage in dirty talk, call a chat line. If you want to talk about a good book or movie, I'm your girl!
Either I've just been really unlucky or all men are like this. I'm hoping it's the former because otherwise I will probably never marry. Eh. Oh, well. At least I won't fall into an open toilet in the middle of the night (seriously, girls, turn on the lights and LOOK first. Sheez!).